I had a lot to discuss with Dr. Zap and his nurse at my weekly Wednesday visit with him the week before last. It was my final visit with him during my radiation therapy and I had a list, including the chafing wherein I was gifted those heart pillows. One item, however, was not on my list: apparently it was time for my mammogram for Lefty.

I am not sure if they’re going to have me get a mammogram more frequently than annually going forward; and I’m not sure if they start counting from my last mammogram in April 2016, or from one of the various breast/body scans I’ve had since then. In any case, apparently I was due.

So, two days later, I found myself at the office where all this shit originally started. I was escorted back to the usual room, and even recognized the nurse-technician. But I was pretty blunt; the usual niceties seemed so unnecessary by now, and I just got undressed without waiting for her to leave the room. Cape? Who needs a stinking cape? I’m so used to going topless at this point I should have a dozen hurricane glasses full of Mardi Gras beads by now.

The nurse was respectfully aware of the fact that while I was fine with tossing Lefty around, Righty (aka Stumpy), on the other hand, was angry – being that she was nearing the end of radiation treatment, and therefore screaming red. We gingerly moved Lefty into place in the machine, doing our best to avoid touching Stumpy.

A few minutes after the procedure I was given the all-clear. Lefty always was my favorite…